1. |
Whole
06:15
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I’m terrified to be alone. I need distractions from myself. From all the judging and poking fun, all the conceit and the doubt.
When I listen to myself, I’m a hamster on a wheel. I can’t sleep or eat or function. I just scurry for my tail.
When I go out in the snow, my rasping breath the only sound. Silence never felt so full, loneliness not so profound.
And I would stay out there for hours and never see another soul. And I will feel no need to cower. And for a moment, I’l be whole.
My throat closes up in crowds. The air gets thin, my mind gets slow. Bathing in a sea of eyes. Floating on their ebbs and swells.
But I have never been too good at treading water, treading wine. So I will drown in your attention and get to drunk to give you mine.
My lungs are beating at my ribs. The wind is pulling at my tears.
I can taste my heart upon my lips. I’m more at peace than I have been these past few years.
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2. |
Around You
04:34
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Secretly I found you. You’ll never know my name. It’s good to be around you. Taste the air you’ve breathed.
I had to know, who are you? You’re not your mom, nor are you me. I want to hang myself around you. Dog your footsteps with my praise.
But you’re too old. You swallowed all your apples whole. You ate your cake and licked the bowl. You wouldn’t want my subtle...
Crisp and cleans reminders. My sweaters and my family name. You wouldn’t want my guidance. You can’t ever really change.
I had to know, who are you? I had to taste your parting gift. I want to hang myself around you. Plant a flag inside your dreams.
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3. |
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My baby goes down to the graveyard. Under the spruce at the top of the hill.
My baby loves the man that she finds there. A lover who died back in ‘72.
I met her one night, 10 years ago. She was catching her death in a shawl.
Leaning on a stone beneath the tree never bare. In the fading fall.
I bent down to see if she was alive. Her pulse beat slowly but true.
I took her in my arms to see if I could revive her. The truth I tell to you.
I felt her body rise as it pressed against mine. Her hands found a grip in my hair.
And that first night under the lone pine she thought he was there.
As morning broke, I stole away. I could not break her spell.
And when she awoke, she found traces of the man she loved so well.
For ten years now, I’ve held her close. Through snow and wind and rain.
But tonight she goes for the last time to rest in my arms again.
Her children have all moved away. Neighbors averted their eyes.
But I found her lying at the foot of the stairs and I held her as she died.
So my baby’s going down to the graveyard in a spruce wood box to a hole in the hill.
And my tender hands will lay her to rest there by a lover who died back in ‘72.
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4. |
Too Old For That
04:27
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It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you undressed, felt the curve of your spine, the weight of your breast.
But if either one of us tries to suggest something different, the words always get stuck in our chest.
We’re both terrified of being alone. We both long out the windows but won’t leave our homes.
Because it’s cold outside, and there’s no way to know whose hand you should take and whose you should learn to let go.
And we turn the television on, CNN. Murder, rape and missing girls.
If we can’t learn to see eye to eye, what hope’s there for the world?
We’ve both learned well that it’s better to have an idea of your future even if it looks bad.
A bird in the hand’s worth a flock you can’t have. And we are not the hunter nor the hunted, no we’re too old for that.
So we keep a close watch on the things that we say. If we opened up the floodgates, we’d both wash away.
And we pile up all our resentments and hates and burn them in whiskey at the end of each day.
And we turn the television on, CNN. Scandal, fame and diet pills.
If we can’t learn to see eye to eye, I’m sure anybody will.
We’re both raised east coast, middle class. Learned to love God and hate war.
We share a language and we share a past, but we don’t share anymore.
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5. |
Twenty-Three
04:24
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I write better love than I make, and I haven’t written much of anything of late.
Time’s supposed to keep your heart safe, but mine just hurts more with every break.
Like old, brittle bones that take longer to heal, my heart is in rehab more than it’s on the field.
I waited on my prime, but it did not wait on me. Already too old - twenty-three.
I remember better dreams than I have. I don’t dream too much. I sleep with the TV on.
My goals don’t reach past the weekend, and when it gets here, I don’t know where to begin.
I planted a garden I did not care to weed. I dreamed about the flowers and forgot about the seeds.
I waited on my dreams, but they did not wait on me. Already too old - twenty-three.
Time is a fickle thing we tried to tame. But it won’t come when I call.
And I’m not asking to go back again. But you never have enough until you cannot spend it all.
I write better love than I make, and I haven’t written much of anything of late.
Time’s supposed to keep your heart safe, but mine hurts a little more with every break.
Like old, brittle bones that take longer to heal, my heart is in rehab more than it’s on the field.
I waited on my prime, and forgot to be happy. Already too old - twenty-three.
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6. |
Skinny Girls
03:41
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You told me that you loved me, but you don’t know what that means.
And the more you get to know me, the less you like what you see.
You do deserve an explanation, and I regret that I don’t have one.
I’ve never made a good decision, but you can’t ask me to stop trying.
So turn on all the sprinklers, and run out on the lawn.
You’re better safe than sorry when you hear the smoke alarm.
I call it preemptive heartbreak. I strike first and ask no questions.
I will try anything three times, and I never learn my lesson.
I like skinny girls with problems, but I don’t know how to solve them.
I hang around boys with addictions, so I won’t notice myself slipping away.
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7. |
Never Save My Soul
03:34
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Now I don’t know, but I’ve been told that when we all get old, we would wish that we had died when we were young.
So I think that I’ll live fast. I think I’ll have another glass, and I’ll not regret a single word I’ve sung.
Now I know that’s not true. I rationalize when I’m blue and try to find ways to forget who I am.
But let the truth be told: you will never save my soul, because I can’t learn what I already understand.
So please turn out the light. I won’t be coming home tonight. I might stumble your way in the dawn,
I might try to sleep it off. I might try to get more lost. But I will not examine what I’ve done.
Now I know there’ll come a day when I’ll be sick at what I’ve said, and I’ll be staring down the barrel of my sins.
But days they come and go, and regret’s a bore, you know. So tomorrow I’ll be on that horse again.
Save you solemn sermons for the damned. Tonight I invite you to my holy land.
So you can judge me if you like while you live your fruitful life, and you’ll probably be proved right in the end.
But you’ll miss me when I’m dead, because I’m more fun than all your friends. So tonight let’s have a glass and make amends.
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8. |
I've Lost You
04:34
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The river’s dry. Some damn upstream.
The fire died. Some gust of wind.
So I will go down with my ship, but when will you admit: I’ve lost you.
The dinner’s cold. Where’ve you been?
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9. |
Self-Sufficient Man
04:36
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You made me reexamine all the things I thought I wanted from my life.
It’s embarrassing to say, but you have made it hard to fall asleep at night.
You made me ask myself if I’d been wrong to say I don’t believe in love.
I hadn’t you my heart. Did you think that you could just keep it for yourself?
You can’t do that with my heart. You can’t make me feel like that.
I’m running for the door to leave you wanting more. No, I never get attached.
You can’t do that with my life. You can’t fuck it up like that.
I get my self respect elsewhere. I’m a self sufficient man.
But I’m not.
You made me beg. You made me plead. You made me do everything I despise.
You’ve turned me into someone i don’t like, jealous of the prize.
I’m lazy and dissatisfied, sleepwalking through my days.
I want to spend my life with you. I didn’t say that it was yours to waste.
I didn’t ask for this. I was not looking for you. You showed me my blind spot, which you can’t undo.
I didn’t ask for this. Were you looking for me? And is it fair to ask what you didn’t see?
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10. |
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And out of the moist earth they tamped on her grave there sprouted a red rose vine
That climbed up the spruce tree and hung overhead keeping her fresh in my mind.
And all in the springtime it kept the rain from my head. Kept the hot summer sun from my brow.
And in the dark winter all the petals did fall making a bed in the snow.
So down in the city, or up in the mountains, or out on the ocean far from any land.
Love it ain’t perfect, it ain’t an equation. Love is a gift so get it where you can,
I’ve had lots of women, some finer than most. Enjoyed every night that I spent.
But no matter the pillow and no matter the host, I can’t seem to quite rest my head.
I sleep in the armchair. I sleep in the bath. I sleep when I can rest my mind.
But I’m always restless, and I’m always tired ‘less I sleep ‘neath that red rose vine.
You can find it in the city. You can find it in the mountains. Find it out on the ocean. You don’t need now land.
But if you do find it, don’t take it for granted, because you may search all your life and not find it again.
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11. |
I Have Seen the Angels
03:43
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I have seen the angels; they are rushing towards me, and my body quakes and trembles in the night.
And I cannot sit up in bed; I can barely raise my head, but you're joking if you think I'll call the fight.
Because we're all on death row, and there is no court of appeals, so the only way out it is the chair.
So we fight like hell to keep our cell no matter how small, and try to pretend that it's normal living here.
And we take a little whiskey for the boredom and the pain.
Take a little to boost the pride we can retain.
One more shot for friendship that keeps us all alive,
and scatter all our ashes in the mountains when we die.
Well I've tried all the religions, and I've found some comfort there, but I'd rather numb my senses with some friends.
Now at the barrel of a gun I find I finally do believe in something, but it don't matter in the end.
When the sun kisses the mountains I'll be gone.
The valley still in darkness before the dawn.
When you think of me, remember all the fun.
There'll be plenty of time for crying about yourself before you're done.
Oh I have seen the angels; they are rushing towards me. Their smiles bright; their arms are open wide.
And I haven't played a winning hand, but I've done the best that a man can, so I'll be waiting on the other side.
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Liam Dailey Boston, Massachusetts
Liam sings songs and stuff. He's been doing that for a while.
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